Proximity and Grace

Over the years, I have walked through struggles with other people. As Christians, we are called to bear one another's burdens. I rarely have any profound answers but I don't mind listening and offering words of comfort where I can.

Even with those experiences, there's a difference in showing grace to someone when the proximity is different. For example, there's a difference between walking along side a woman as she tries to end an affair and when that affair involves your husband.

The proximity of sin can make it seem impossible to forgive or offer grace to someone. Whenever sinful people are involved, there comes cheating, betrayal, and hurt. What do you do when someone hurts you, but they want to repent? How do you still have that person in your life?

We're called to forgive

Ephesians 4:32 says we are to be kind and compassionate to each other, forgiving others as Christ forgave us.

That's it. The bottom line is we're called to forgive. We often forget how much God's forgiven us for when we're faced with forgiving others (see Matthew 18 for the guy who forgot this). Forgiving others doesn't mean that we sit by and let something bad happen, and its not something we can do on our own. It's only the power of the Holy Spirit in you that will allow you to forgive someone who's hurt you.

There are consequences to sin

God doesn't punish us as a result of sin (He already did that with Jesus on the cross). Consequences of sin are used to teach us.

There's probably nothing more hurtful than when someone close to you hurts you, and you recognize that the relationship that remains will not be the same. God can reconcile relationships, but that doesn't mean that they're the same (often, that's a good thing). As we go through the process of forgiving someone, it's okay that the relationship is not always the same. I would even be so bold as to say that it's okay not be as intimate with someone who's hurt you (again, changes in relationships can be healthy and necessary).

Don't harbor bitterness and anger

So we often manage the first two fine. We can forgive someone, and we we definitely agree with the fact that there's consequences. The part that gets tough is this bitterness business. We feel wronged, so we say, "We'll I'll forgive them, but I don't have to forget." While I'm not saying you have to forget (I'll hit this in a minute) we tend to say that line in a bout of anger and bitterness.

Bitterness, anger, and resentment never made anyone feel better, and it certainly is not on the path of reconciliation. Hear me out, I've been so mad at people before that I haven't been able to look at them, let alone be in the same room with them! Even so, it's not long before you start to realize that while the other person committed the sin against you, you're the one still steaming about it.

Again, resentment and anger are not things I let go of on my own. This is a continual process of surrender.

Don't deny the pain

Even when you forgive someone, there may still be pain. The pain and consequences don't just disappear. Too many times we bury our pain because we feel like we can't forgive someone and still feel hurt.

Don't allow pain to stay buried. Give it to God. Allow him to heal your heart. Psalm 34 says that God is close to the broken hearted.

The church body is made up of a lot of broken people. We will hurt each other. There will be conflict. It is only by forgiving each other and allowing God in to the middle of our mess that we can move towards reconciliation and peace.

God wants us to live full, joyful lives in Him! We don't have to live with the burden and hurt. Allow God in. Allow him to work in the mess and walk in the fullness of Christ!

Dumb Things I Say to God

Sometimes I really say dumb things to God. Granted, we're in a committed relationship, so that's okay, but I usually learn something as a result.

I was wrestling with some things earlier this week and a friend asked me "Why?" I don't remember what specifically brought on the question, but in my head, I heard myself say, "because I feel like I'm going to let God down."

Wait...what?

I know that doesn't make sense, but that was my gut reaction to the question of why I was wrestling with a particular problem.

As in any committed relationship, that's one of those "big things" that needs to be addressed.

I know that I feel that way about other relationships. I was "that girl" in school that wanted to do well just so I wouldn't let my teachers down. I want to go the extra mile so I won't let my family down or even people I work with. It's not like they pressure me into it. In fact, most people will continually tell me that they are proud of me no matter what.

So why do I feel that way with God?

With this being Holy Week, I've obviously been reading a lot of things on the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Kind of a big deal!

While I should be overwhelmed by the love of God, instead, I started to feel like I had to give God a good return on his investment. He invested so much in to me, I don't want to let him down!

Do you think I'm crazy yet? I know that "Christian answer" to all of this, but I had to really seek God on reminding me.

There are two things that I had to remind myself about:

1. It's about being moved to action, not following a command.

John Piper has an excellent devotional for Holy Week. In one section he says, "He loved us to the uttermost. And let us be so moved by this love that it becomes our own."

When we are in a relationship with him, we don't allow his investment to force us in to "debt repayment" (which is an entirely frustrating, futile activity). Instead, we serve him and show love to others because his love and devotion to us changes something in us! It makes us feel like we may burst if we don't show some love!

So what about when we feel ourselves starting to fall under the debt repayment plan? It's time to take another look at the original investment.

2. It's about dwelling in God, not working up to him

Again, this seems pretty basic, but we all need to be reminded about this!

John 15:1-4 says, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

God invites us to dwell in him. He isn't after us to put forth effort into a journey to find him. He's already here.

When I begin feeling myself drained from serving other people, or I don't feel like showing love to other people, I have to take that as a sign that I need to focus on dwelling in God. Just like a branch can't bear fruit by itself, I can't can be filled with love for people or a desire to serve apart from Jesus!

Manipulating God

The story plays out similarly for all of us. God gives us a promise. He gives us a vision for something to come. We are happy, grateful even. And we wait.

And we wait....


And we wait....

"Did I really hear you, God?"

......

"I thought you told me to do this?"

......

"Please! How much longer do I have to wait?!"

Waiting on God can test our faith more than the most any other situation. In the same way, the way we react to God can tell us a lot about our relationship with him.

In Genesis 15, God spoke to Abram promising him descendants as numerous as the stars in addition to a son of his own.

You have to imagine that Abram (I'm just going to call him Abraham from now on) had to be pretty excited by this news. His wife, Sarah, was old and beyond child-bearing years, but God had promised!! 

And they waited.....

And they waited.....

They had to start to wonder if they had even heard God.

Sarah got tired of waiting. Instead, she took matters in to her own hands. She convinced Abraham to sleep with her maid, Hagar, thinking, "perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Sarah tried to manipulate God.

Hagar ends up having a son and there is some major tension (to say the least) between everybody. Abraham ends up sending Hagar and his son away to wander the desert and fend for themselves. As a result of Sarah's "impatience," multiple people suffered.

Just like Sarah, it can be tempting for us to "make it happen." We try to step ahead of God.Everything I ever write about only comes from walking through it myself and having God teach me something through it.

I have never been the most patient person. I have often used this as an excuse for my frustration in waiting for God.

In a particularly embarrassing scene between me and God, I had reached my breaking point. I was frustrated. I asked him how much longer he was going to make me wait.

I calmed down and told myself that I was just impatient by nature. In that moment, God told me there was more to my impatience than just "my nature."

The scary part about this whole exchange is how tempting it was to think about just making it happen myself. Simply put, it's tempting to think about how I could just "skip ahead."

To put it simply, this is not due to impatience. Instead, I see two reasons we try to step ahead of God.

1. We don't trust his promises

I don't know of one promise God has given that has seemed logical. What makes sense about telling a man with a barren wife that he will have as many decedents as the stars? It doesn't make sense, so we think we cannot trust it.

Proverbs 3:5 says it best, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

We are not meant to understand everything, but simply trust in God.

The fact is, God was faithful to Sarah and Abraham. Despite their sin, God gave Sarah a son and Abraham did become the father of many nations.

2. We think we can do it better

This is just pure pride. We may not phrase it in so many words, but we often step ahead of God because we think we can do it better.

Maybe we think of it as taking initiative or "moving things along." Either way, our sinful pride causes us to forgo waiting and try to move God's hand. That's exactly what Sarah did! She didn't see the logic in God's plan so she found another way to build a family. She tried to force God's hand. Unfortunately, she only succeeded in causing pain.

I cannot think of anything more futile or horrifying than trying to manipulate God. Fortunately, he loves us more than we can possibly imagine. Just as God fulfilled his promise to Abraham despite his sin, God offers us forgiveness and grace through our sins.

God is not a cruel overlord torturing us by making us wait. Instead, we have to remember that he is a loving God. He delights in us.

I heard Francis Chan describe it like when you have the perfect gift for someone. You cannot wait to give it to them, but you wait until the perfect time. Maybe it's their birthday or anniversary. The gift is amazing and probably would be pretty great on any random Tuesday, but how much more amazing is the gift when it's paired with the perfect moment.

God created the entire universe. He sustains all of creation. He is the author of time. Do you trust him to know exactly when he should fulfill his promises? Do you trust him enough to wait on him?

Who Do You Think You Are? -Mark Driscoll

Identity is one of the primary struggles for people. Through childhood, we dream up what we want to be when we grow up. In college, we're forced to narrow that list down to something practical. Then through our adult lives, we spend our time, money, and energy pursuing the identity we have chosen for ourselves.

What do companies like Nike, Under Armor, Burberry, L’Oreal, Apple, and Kitchen Aid all have in common? They will all sell you an identity.

In his book “Who Do You Think You Are?” Mark Driscoll examines how Christians have identities that are founded in Christ and what that means for our everyday lives.

What I love the most about Driscoll’s writing is how rich it is with information. It took me more time to read this book than I had anticipated because I wanted to continually stop and reflect on the ideas that Driscoll presented.

Without a doubt, if we are able to firmly focus on our identities in Christ, we can move past the fears, insecurities, and hindrances that prevent us from fulfilling that God has placed on our lives.

Mark Driscoll’s book is timely and relevant for Christians today. A wealth of insight and information, you will continually find yourself reflecting on your own identity and your relationship with Christ.

Press On

I was excited and nervous about starting seminary classes. It was something that God put on my heart a long time ago. I often wrestle with whether I will ever really feel like I know what I am doing. Every day brings new challenges, and I love it. However, there are still those days where I have to go back to God and ask him to remind me of the calling he placed on my life. I ask him to confirm I am where he wants me to be. Usually, it is simply, “Are you sure, God?” My role in leadership falls right in to the same category. I often ask myself why anybody would want to follow me or what I would ever have to offer them.

After a recent period of time where I felt myself asking God if he was still sure, he gave Philippians 3:12 as a reminder, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” There was certainly no reason for Christ to take hold of me. I did not present with any particularly outstanding qualities that would make him want to add me to the roster. It was simply an act of love from a perfect heavenly father to his often confused and flighty daughter. This verse out of Philippians reminded me that the journey is not over. I do not have to wrestle with whether or not I will ever get this, because I know I will not on this side of Heaven! How liberating it is to know that it is okay not to be perfect! Just like Paul, I just have to continue to press on.

Developing leadership qualities is a never-ending journey. I do not believe there will ever come a time when I finally “arrive” on the leadership scene. Instead, I have to trust that God’s grace is sufficient to cover my weaknesses. I trust that when I pursue him, everything else falls in to place.

"Trust" as a Dirty Word

The Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite works in the literary world. There are so many wonderful things I could talk about, but there is one particular scene that seems particularly relevant.

“But it does not seem that I can trust anyone,' said Frodo.

Sam looked at him unhappily. 'It all depends on what you want,' put in Merry. 'You can trust us to stick with you through thick and thin--to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours--closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo.”

This is one of the most touching scenes of friendship in this epic story. It also perfectly illustrates why people have difficulty trusting leaders.

How can you trust someone who gives you nothing to trust? Why would you trust someone who is not willing to enter the ring and fight alongside you? How can we, as leaders, expect people to trust us if we are not willing to be there for them? Aubrey Malphurs sums it up quite clearly when he says, “Leaders cannot expect followers to trust them simply because they occupy a position of leadership within the church or any other organization.”

Trust requires a track record. Earning someone’s trust requires us to get in the fight and be willing to get messy. I believe it is largely since we have moved away from knowing the people we lead, caring about their lives and struggles beyond what they can do for us, that we have started struggling to earn people’s trust. Just like Merry, we have to be willing to be there for someone through thick and thin.

Are you investing in your followers? Are you walking with them through the good and bad?

Invest in someone!!!

Happy vs. Holy

"It's just time for me to start doing what makes me happy...."

We use this phrase all the time. We end marriages, friendships, jobs, and responsibilities all because, "It's time for me to be happy."

I have been on the receiving end of this on several occasions, but I have also said it myself. The fact is, this line of thinking has the power to destroy our lives.

Just stick with me here.

The truth is, God didn't come for our happiness, but our holiness. Happiness is cheap. Holiness leads to everlasting joy.

Happiness is manipulated by anything from prescription medication to chocolate to "retail therapy." Joy is what enables a family who has just lost their daughter to get up the next morning and say, "God is good." Joy doesn't mask the difficulties of life, but it remembers the one who gives life!

In a culture driven by self-gratification, and self-interest, the struggle between being happy and being holy is never easy. How is holiness ever to win out?

It is not until we begin to understand the cheapness of our happiness, in comparison to the holy joy of Christ, that we will ever be able to chose holiness.

I don't write all this pretending that I have it all figured out. Some of the most frustrating times of my life have been when I had to chose between happiness and holiness. I've walked away from relationships, jobs, or opportunities not because it made me happy (on the contrary, I was usually a wreck), but because Christ called me to seek holiness.

When I start talking like this, the first thing people usually say is something like, "Well God doesn't sound very good then. He just wants me to be miserable."

It's exactly the opposite!!

In John 10:10, Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

Jesus wants us to have an abundant life!!

God doesn't seek our misery. It's because of his great love for us that he seeks our holiness. We see this at the beginning of humanity with Eve in the garden. She had a choice between eating the fruit, which would make her happy by fulfilling her fleshly desires, or seeking holiness by following God's command. God's command was not meant to make Eve miserable or suck the fun out of her life! On the contrary! By Eve pursuing her happiness, it lead to her death and separation from God, instead of life!

The battle of happiness versus holiness is never easy. It's only by fixing our eyes on Christ that we can hope to prevail.

2013 is still fresh and new. Commit to refocusing on Jesus. Don't come up with a list of resolutions or ways you'll improve yourself. Fix your eyes on the creator and sustainer of everything, and remember that he came that you may have life!