A Word to My Small Group

This is something that I wrote to the wonderful ladies in my small group. I hope you find it illuminating as well.

A word to the loveliest Connect Group around:

We shared a lot of different things this semester. I hope some of them were insightful for you. One thing I remember fondly is our discussion of DTRs (define the relationships). We talked a lot about our own relationships with God, but I enjoyed sharing funny stories of our own attempts at DTRs. I know many of you were only here for a semester and many of you will be gone this summer, but I just wanted to share something that’s been on my heart, and that’s love.

As women, I know we are all familiar with multiple types of love. We love our parents, our best friends, our puppies, and that guy that sits across from us in class! Love can cause a massive dose of butterflies or a waterfall of tears. Whatever form it takes, people will spend their whole lives looking for it and trying to define it.

As most of you already know, I have very little experience in the realm of love. The one thing I do know is that love involves risk. When we love there is a chance it will be returned. There is also a chance that we could face rejection, scorn, or belittlement. In the words of Maroon 5, love is not always rainbows and butterflies. Again, this is not just love for “that guy.” This encompasses love for our friends and fellow man.

When our love is not readily accepted, it hurts. It strikes us at a place that seems deeper than anything else. All we want to do is go hide under the covers and never allow ourselves to extend that kind of love ever again. Our first instinct is to go into hyper-protective mode. How do you come back from something like that? How do you pick your heart up again when it’s been crushed and dare to love again? Your friend is mad at you, that guy shot you down, that family member doesn’t want to see you again. It all seems like an overwhelming mess.

Take a look at 1 John 3:11-24. John starts out by reminding us that from the beginning, our command has been to love one another. The initial love is the easy part right? It’s what comes after it’s been rejected that seems to cause the problems. In fact, verse 13 says, “do not be surprised that the world hates you.”

If we keep reading, we see in these verses that love is a response to being born again. In fact, John tells us that we know what love is because Christ laid down his life for us, the ultimate act of love.

Further, verse 23 reminds us again that the command is to love one another and that “whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.”

It’s not easy to love each other. It’s not easy to love again after your love has not been well received. As Christians, however, loving one another comes from abiding in God. The closer we become to God, the more we can begin to love people the way he loves.

This is my encouragement to you. Go out and love each other. Do not be afraid to love your friends, family, or the people around you. It’s not always easy. Showing love to people involves risk, but always remember that the Spirit of God lives inside of you. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about love, it’s that there are times when I can only love someone because it’s the Holy Spirit doing the loving!

You are all beloved daughters of God. This summer, I challenge you to love fiercely. Go out in confidence wherever you are and reflect the love of Christ. There will be times when it’s difficult, but don’t forget that you have the power of the God of the universe in you!

Untitled

I can't come up with a title for this post, because I'm not sure I've ever been here before.

My walk with Christ has taken many turns and has had its ups and downs. I feel like I am coming out of one of the deepest pits I've ever experienced.

This pit is comprised of swirling emotions, insecurities, questions of my calling, tests of friendships, and all together a mix of unpleasantness. I didn't see it coming. It's unbelievable how one day can change everything. I can't understand how people's words can cause me to question the way I speak, look, or even interact with people. This pit seems pretty deep.

Over the past few days, I've known deep down that there would be an ending to this pit, but my prayers consisted of nothing more than pleas to God to take this from me. Not unlike Paul, this thorn in my side was excruciating, but I couldn't seem to shake it. I sought God, pouring myself into the word, running away from "real life" to find solace with him, but still the doubt and insecurity plagued me. Endless tears gave way to a numb emotionless state. My prayers changed from asking God to take this from me to just begging him to not let my heart become hardened.

I just wanted to run. To run away from everything and not stop until I forgot. I need God to remind me of what the truth he'd spoken to me before. I reread some of the same scriptures from when I was in middle school and couldn't figure out how he could possibly want me in full time ministry.

 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

-John 16:33

At first these words had a quiet comfort to them. A small swell of peace. However, as I felt like I was battling harder to get out of this pit, these words took on new meaning when our worship leader belted them out in the middle of one of my favorite songs. No longer was God telling me to take heart, he was saying TAKE HEART! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!

These words didn't just have comfort, they had power. While I still feel like I'm just starting to climb out of this pit, whispering these words to myself during the day and thanking God that he sent his son to overcome the world, has been what I've relied on. I want to live from this truth.



Lessons from Guatemala

I've been struggling to describe my trip to Guatemala. It's hard to condense what God showed me over ten days into five minutes. Unfortunately, I've found it overwhelmingly true that five minutes is all most people are willing to give you. This has caused a lot of frustration for me, so I've decided to lay it all out there.

This was my first time in a poverty-stricken country. I had tried to mentally prepare myself for what it would be like, but I don't ever know if you can be prepared for seeing despair.

At first, the place was overwhelming. Everywhere I looked, there was someone struggling. They were in despair with no end in sight.

 My best friend and I were staying and serving at a children's home in Villa Nueva. Each of the children had heart-wrenching stories. My heart broke. You see the faces of these children, watch them play, hear them laugh, and you can't help but wonder what kind of person could beat, abandon, sell, or neglect such precious things! I don't think there was minute when I didn't have some little hands holding mine.

We were driving through Villa Nueva one day and I could do nothing but look out and try to soak in what I saw. What's the answer for these people? I could remember every major history or economics class I'd had. Maybe they needed more industry? Maybe they needed better schools? That's not it.

How could a better job keep a father from beating his daughter? How could a better job stop a drug addicted mother from leaving her toddlers to fend for themselves? How could more programs fix the heart issues of rampant incest and alcoholism?

"Social programs have never changed hearts. God changes hearts."

It's one of the few times where I knew immediately that God had really spoken to me. I knew that was the answer, but there's nothing like seeing the despair and knowing exactly what can bring healing.

That night, I was praying for the people of Guatemala, and I asked God why I was there. Why was I in Guatemala for 10 days. It's not like I can accomplish a lot in 10 days! I prayed that he would show me something.

The next morning, my best friend, who had talked me into all this, woke up so excited. She had been wrestling with where God was calling her to do full time mission work. I had talked with her many times before the trip about several opportunities that were available. One of them was at the children's home in Guatemala. I had never told her, but that was one of the primary reasons I wanted to go with her. I had been praying for her one night before we left, and I really knew that once we got down there, he would give her clarity. Sure enough, he answered in a big way. We spent the morning talking about the peace she had about moving to Guatemala. I have never been so happy to share time with someone. She would deny it, but she inspires me more than anyone else.

Watching God work in her heart and answer prayers that we've been praying for months is indescribable.

After this conversation, I knew I wasn't in Guatemala to fix every problem. I did know that God was going to show me something that would matter.

Over the next few days though, I was still faced with despair. Within 24 hours we got bedbugs, heard two gunfights (one of which resulted in a murder on the next street) and heard multiple stories of the effects of the gangs on the community.

The children's home was like one small block of light in a sea of darkness. If you stayed in the compound, there was joy. As soon as you left the high walls and armed guards, you were just confronted with darkness.

A funny thing was happening while I was there. I slowly forgot about home. I didn't forget about my family or anything like that. The first few days I would relish the corner of the room we could manage a wi-fi signal so I could check on things at home. As the days went on however, I checked less. I thought about the activities of my small hometown less. It was hard at first, being so disconnected. I began to ask God to show me areas where I had replaced him with other people. It became painfully apparent almost immediately. Had I gotten so comfortable at home that when something bothered me or I faced a problem I immediately turned toward my friends instead of God? Oh yes! It's easy to identify these times when none of your friends are around!

So far, God's reminded me of how he still directs people who seek him and brought me back to a place of only relying on him. Honestly, that was probably enough for me to come back with, but he wasn't finished.

Our very last night in Guatemala, was spent saying multiple good-byes to the children and missionaries. Mostly, I observed thanks to my limited Spanish. However, without expecting it, God showed up to show me something.

One of the house dads spoke English. He came out to say good-bye to us. We began talking (in English!) and he began to share his testimony with us. He told us how he had lived in America, learned English, and eventually fell in with a gang. He shared how he hit rock bottom with no hope of ever coming out of despair. His story was typical of so many people in Guatemala. Then he described meeting Jesus. He talked about how his life began to change and he became a better husband and father. He got a decent job in the Guatamalan government. He was happy. God had blessed him. One day, one of the gangs slipped a note under his door threatening to kill him and his family if he did not pay. He said they had no choice. He got his wife, his son, their dog, and anything they could carry on the back of his motorcycle and left. It just so happened that his wife knew one of the women who worked at the home and found out about a position that had opened for a house parent. After one interview, they got the job and were able to live securely at the compound.

I would love to say that a story like that is rare, but most people can tell you about a time when they were extorted by the gangs. This man went on to tell us about the people of Guatemala. He told us about a local pastor who had started a church in one of the nearby slums. It just happens to be the most dangerous place in Central America. He told us about a ministry for alcoholics. The church would go around during the early morning hours, and offer breakfast to the people passed out along the side of the roads. They took this as an opportunity to share the gospel. He said some would go right back out and start drinking again, but others would stay, and several of the men who were a part of the ministry were once alcoholics themselves.

As he was talking, I began to cry. Ten days of praying and I knew this was what God had been waiting to show me. I had plenty of opportunity to see the darkness, THIS was the light for Guatemala! I knew from the beginning that God was the hope and here he is showing me how it's going to happen!

The light for Guatemala emanates from men like this house dad who spend the extra time loving the kids. It comes from the woman who walks the compound at 4 am praying for the children. It comes from the missionaries who selflessly work to spread the gospel to the people of Guatemala.

I knew before I left for this trip that I would come back impacted. I had tried to be expectant for what God was going to show me. I would like to say that I was able to serve and bring a hundred people to Jesus while I was there, but that wasn't the case. Yes, I loved on kids and was able to help make Semana Santa fun for them, but it was really God speaking to me that made this trip life changing.

It's hard adjusting to being back to my everyday life. I told my friend it's like trying to put a new me in the same routine. I can't bring myself to care about the same things that worried me before I left. God just showed me the hope for an entire country!!! I don't care about whether I look good in that dress I'm supposed to wear to a wedding! I don't care whether this friend is annoyed with me or what people will think of my job performance. I grew up in church, but I finally feel like I was able to really experience what it means for God to be the hope for the nations.

I'm so excited that my best friend will be spending five years (probably more) in Guatemala. I can't wait to go back (this time with better Spanish) and see God continue to move among the people.

Oh sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth!

Sing to the Lord, bless his name;
tell of his salvation from day to day.

 Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous works among all the peoples!

 For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;
he is to be feared above all gods.

-Psalm 96:1-4



Relief From "Try Harder"

It's been about a month since I last posted. Honestly, I've really just been struggling with having anything to say.

Today was different. I participated in my favorite Sunday routine: helping with setup for the church, serving as a greeter, and enjoying an awesome service. I'm probably the least helpful person if you ask for a critique. I always leave church thinking, "That was awesome, I don't how next week could get better!" Next week rolls around and I say the same thing.

This afternoon I sat alone in my deserted office struggling to come up with anything to say, yet again. I had about three hours until my small group was supposed to meet and I had nothing. To be completely honest, my Sunday routine has started to include feeling completely inadequate right before I'm supposed to lead a group! If you've had the chance to know me at all or even read half the stuff I put on my blog, you've probably figured out that I don't have it all figured out!

As desperation started to creep in, I started looking for wisdom. One of my friends, who really meant well, simply said, "Pray about it and go with your gut." Oh yeah! Somehow that suggestion always makes me feel really dumb. Aren't I supposed to know that's what I'm supposed to do?

So I started praying and pretty much begging God for some direction. One idea from the day's sermon had really stuck with me: We take our eye's off Jesus when we believe in performance based affection. In other words, we believe that God's love for us is dependent on what we do or how we behave.

I'm guilty of this.

The thing is, I know the church answer. I know that God loved me even while I was still a sinner and that he sees me as a new creation. I know that I could never work my way to heaven! No matter how much I can repeat the church answers, there are still times where the root of my frustration comes from "trying harder."

I'm the girl that gets down on herself when she messes up. I say things like, "I really need to work harder to stop...." Or "If I only spent more time...." All of which center around making sure that I'm doing "my part" in the God relationship or at least fulfilling expectations (usually my own).

That was exactly what I needed to share with my small group. I know I can't possibly be the only one who struggles with that (usually when things are mentioned in a sermon, you can pretty much figure at least one other person does). I could fill up an entire blog with why this is an issue for me. I will spare you from that and instead share some things God spoke to me about through from the book of Philippians.

Check out chapter 2:12-18. My favorite part is how Paul points out that "it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

God changes our actions and our desires through the power of the Holy Spirit to make us more like Christ and reflect his glory.

Now flip over a little and look at chapter 3:7-10. Paul just got finished listing out his religious accomplishments. His resume is quite impressive, but he says he sees everything as rubbish (or poo) "in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith"

Wow....

Paul recognized that his righteousness or the "good stuff" about him had nothing to do with him! In fact everything about him he counted a rubbish in order that he may gain Christ and the righteousness that comes through him! Don't miss that--> in order for us to really experience the righteousness that comes simply from knowing Christ, we have to get to a place where we recognize that everything "good" we've done (i.e, following the law) is completely worthless!

Before you start getting too depressed, just think a minute. In a world where we're constantly told to "try harder," God simply wants us to accept his free gift- an abundant life that is free from guilt of not measuring up and trying to make it on your own.

Last thing, look at chapter 3:12-16. Paul ends this thought so beautifully. Just when you're starting to think, "Gosh, I wish I could be like him and have it all together," He reminds us that he's not perfect either. God really reminded me of something tonight when I read verses 13 and 14:

 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I love this. As someone who can reflect back with the best of them, I need to take these verses to heart. I can forget the mistakes of the past; those little sins that drive me crazy and cause me to give myself a guilt trip! Instead, we press on. We repent, and call on Jesus again. The thing we have to remember is that this is not us working harder the next time. This is us remembering that the Spirit of God lives in us and (back to chapter 2) is working in us to change our desires and our actions.

Are you staying in close contact with God? How does that affect the way you view sin in your life? What does it really mean for your righteousness to come through faith in Jesus? How can you remind yourself of this when you get back to the "try harder mentality?

Valentine's Day

I love Valentine's Day.

Having never been married or even had a serious boyfriend for that matter, it's probably not for the reasons you would think.

I know that "Singles Awareness Day" and "Anti-Valentine's Day" movements are in full swing, but as a single gal, I still LOVE Valentine's Day.

Without fail, God shows up on Valentine's Day and reminds me of some of the things he's blessed me with that I love. Last year, it was watching the Olympics at home with my family while it snowed outside! (Big deal in South Georgia). This year, I'm excited about getting my ticket for Guatemala! One of my good friends, who had the opportunity to intern at a children's home outside of Guatemala City for six months, is taking me back with her during Holy Week so we can minister to the children. I'm so excited! I can't wait to be there and help these kids celebrate Easter!

I was thinking about all this on the way to work this morning. God is so funny in the irony that today, Valentine's Day, is the day I'm finally going to finalize these plans! Maybe it's just because I'm more aware of it, but Valentine's Day has really become a day that I spend reflecting on how thankful I am for all the wonderful things in my life.

It's so easy for me to get distracted by the "if-onlys" in my life. If only I had a better body. If only this guy liked me. If only I could be better..... If only I could ........ Everybody has those. For whatever reason, Valentine's Day has become a day where God really throws how blessed I am in my face. My friends and family make today great! Single or not, I wouldn't trade the time I spend with God on Valentine's Day for anything!

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, 

and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

(1 John 4:7)

I know what love is because I know God. Nothing else even begins to compare!

Dear World

Originally published January 2012


Dear World,

We, as a generation, accept that you see us the way you want to see us. You label us in the simplest terms. You call us ignorant, self-seeking, and unmotivated. You tell us we're irresponsible for not voting enough or not caring about the world enough. You tell us that we're a generation of rebels who look after nothing but our own interest. You pay millions of dollars every year to find out what we want in technology and how to best sell it to us, but when it comes to something bigger, you count us out.

We accept that you see us the way you want to see us.

We do not, however, accept your labels.

This week, I had the privelege to witness 45,000 college students descend on the city of Atlanta for the Passion 2012 conference and break apart every label that you could throw at them. They walked for miles in the cold to stand in lines and have the opportunity to lift up the name of Jesus. 

They're crazy you say. Just a bunch of college hippies. A bunch of religious freaks. Maybe. But just when you had comforted yourself by saying that they just came to stand around and sing to God, they broke more of your labels.

They did something.

This generation that you complain about saying that we're uneducated and unaware, did something about the problems you love to sit around and talk about. We're a generation that has always known 24-hour news. We hear about the problems of the world all day, everyday. We hear your correspondants standing in the middle of broken places asking "what can be done?" We understand what a broken world looks like.

We did something.

Throughout the week, we were asked to give to end the horror of modern slavery. They asked us to raise $1 million. They told us stories that represented 27 million modern slaves. Then they asked us to give. We know you're broke college students they said. We know that you scrounge around in the sofa cushions looking for pizza money, but we will never count your generation out. They asked us to give.

Not only did a bunch of broke college students give, they did so happily. They stood in thousand people deep lines to give.

So what happens when a bunch of religious, college hippies get behind a cause? What happens when a generation says they will do something now?

They break through your labels.

This generation was not satisfied with giving $1 million. Instead, they gave $3 million to local and international causes. Suddenly, you start to perk up. Suddenly, you start to notice this generation a little more.

The Mayor of Atlanta Kasim Reed and the Leutinant Govenor of Georgia Casey Cagel noticed this generation. These broke college students said they horrified that one of the worst places for human trafficing was not in some foregin country but in Atlanta, Georgia. These students wanted to do something about it. In giving $100,000 to fund a new special victims task force, these students were saying that we were not going to stand by and let this injustice happen.

Are you paying attention yet?

Beyond giving, these students awknoledged the brokenness of the world. They did something more than just give.

They prayed.

They prayed for a broken and dying world. They prayed for mercy. They prayed for healing.They prayed for resoration.

Just a phase you say. Their enthusiasm will die down when they're not surrounded by 45,000 of their friends. Maybe for some that's true. However, if there is one thing that we should come away with from witnessing this, it's to not count this generation out.

You see us how you want to see us. We chose to do something.

You want to know the most surprising thing? Every single one of the 45,000 students will tell you that really, we didn't do anything. We are selfish. We are incapable. Do you remember why I said these students were in Atlanta in the first place?

To lift up the name of Jesus.

On our own, we are incapable. We are selfish.

We are ineffecitve.

When we lift up the name of Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit,

we do something.

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they wereuneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.

-Acts 4:13

Daniel- A New Name in Leadership

Originally published December 2011


We can probably all think of several people throughout the Bible that we consider leaders. Some were more effective than others, and I believe we can learn something from each of them.

Daniel has been the subject of many Sunday school lessons throughout my life. I learned about his friends Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego and their close encounter with God in the fiery furnace. Who could forget the story of Daniel and the lion's den? I figured I knew the basics of who Daniel was. However, once I started really studying the book of Daniel, I realized that there was so much more to be learned from this leader.

I was struck by several characteristics of Daniel, as well as a type of "cause-and-effect" relationship he had with God. We first come across Daniel when he is between 14 and 17 years old. He and other Israelite boys are brought to King Nebuchadnezzar's palace to basically be brain-washed in the ways of the Babylonians. This is where Daniel starts to stand out. I want to share some things that make Daniel a great leadership example.

• He held fast to his beliefs even when it meant losing his standing
• In 1:8-16, Daniel refused to defile himself by eating the food provided by the king. This pagan food would have been provided as an honor to the multiple gods of the kingdom. Even though Daniel's action went against the king's command, he kept his allegiance to God.
• As a result of Daniel's faithfulness, God granted him favor in the sight of the chief eunuch. He was provided proper food and was healthier than those who ate the King's food.

• He was equipped for his calling
• In 1:17, we see that God gave Daniel, Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego "learning and skill in all literature and wisdom, and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams."
• God had equipped these young men to fulfill his calling on their lives 
• He does the same thing for us!

• He used good judgement when he spoke, even in the midst of a crisis
• In 2:12-16, we see that the King is very angry when none of his magicians, enchanters, or socercers could interpret his dream. He is so angry that he orders all the wise men of Babylon be destroyed (Pretty much he wanted to kill all the smart guys). The king's men are coming after Daniel and his friends with the intent of killing them. Daniel spoke with "prudence and discretion" to the captain of the king's guard. I don't know about you, but prudence (the ability to discipline oneself by the use of reason) and discretion (showing good judgement, the ability to make responsible decisions) would probably not be my first reaction when somebody showed up to kill me!
• Sure enough, Daniel keeps his cool and requests to see the king so that he may interpret his dream (remember how God had gifted Daniel back in chapter 1?)

• He gave God the glory and remained humble
• In preparing to go before the king, Daniel enlists the help of his friends by asking them to "seek mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery"
• When God reveals the dream's interpretation to Daniel, he "blessed the God of heaven." Check out Daniel's praise in 2:20-23, it is a good summary of the theme of the book of Daniel
• When Daniel interprets the dream, the king is amazed. Daniel remains humble and tells the king that the mystery has been revealed to him "not because of any wisdom that I have more than all the living, but in order that the interpretation may be made known to the king."

• Daniel had an "excellent spirit"
• In chapter 6, Daniel was over 80 years old, and had become the favorite of the King (now King Darius by the way). Daniel had become an excellent leader and was known for his wisdom, ability, attitude, and good reputation
• Interestingly, it's at this point that people begin plotting against Daniel and he is thrown into the lion's den. In the quick fall from prominence to being left for dead, Daniel holds strong to God. God honors his faithfulness again by sending an angel to the lion's den and protecting him through this trial.

• Daniel sought God through prayer
• Chapter 9 is probably my favorite part of the book of Daniel. 
• Daniel fervently prayed for God's mercy. There are several beautiful sections of scripture that reflect Daniel's obedience and faith
• Once again, God is faithful and sends the angel Gabriel to speak to Daniel and give him understanding

Fascinating, right? There are so many qualities of Daniel that I strive for. I believe the world is desperate for leaders who will emulate all of these things. I feel a bit like Daniel in chapter 1. I have no idea what God is preparing me for or what he wants to do through me, but I hope to react like Daniel and hold fast to my faith and believe what God tells me. The same God that guided Daniel is still guiding us.