Complete Surrender

Originally posted July 1, 2011

What is complete surrender? We talk about surrendering our lives to God very often. I always understood the idea and thought "sure God, my life is yours. If you want me to do something, just let me know." I've been thinking that way for awhile. That is, until a couple of weeks ago........

A couple of weeks ago, I met someone who really inspired me. I doubt this person even realizes the impact they had on me and I don't really know how to tell them. Suddenly, I began reevaluating my life. Was I completely surrendered to God? Was there some part of my life that I was stubbornly holding on to in order to run it myself.

yes

It's a hard reality to face. After a lot of prayer and contemplation, I realized that I had not surrendered my ambition. My future.

School has always been a very central part of my life. I've always been very good at it. All the time I've been in school, I've been working toward my future career. I wanted to be an accountant. A good accountant. I realized that my goals weren't about money. Instead, I realized that what I really wanted was recognition. It all started to make sense! I enjoyed the challenge of school because I secretly enjoyed the recognition that came from doing well. I thought of my future career as a chance to do something big! I'm not sure I can accurately describe the feelings I had when I realized this:

shock

disappointment

anxiety

I realized that something had to change. In other words, I had to change. I knew that I needed to surrender my future, my plans, and my ambition to God.

But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
My times are in your hand;
rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!
Make your face shine on your servant;
save me in your steadfast love!

Psalm 31: 14-16

In a way, it's liberating to surrender my future to God. I know his plans always turn out WAY better than my own. He's proved it to me time after time, there are just times when I don't remember. At the same time, I feel like a freshman just starting college. I have no idea what I'm doing!

That's okay.

I can't say that I don't sometimes revert back to the planning and worry, but everyday God is showing me what it really means to surrender fully to his will.

I'm looking forward to every minute of living in his plan.

I really like this picture. I took it without really thinking about it one day after a summer rain. It's refreshing to see evidence of God's love right outside my front door!