Monday, January 23, 2012

I am Crazy

It was so cool to read back through this post and see how far God has brought me! Originally published August, 2011

Craziness has been the theme of the week.

People have told me I am crazy.

I've told myself I'm crazy.

The whole idea is crazy.

Maybe I should start at the beginning.

God has been working in me for a long time. I've known that He's been calling me to do more. I've shared that before.

 I recently found myself at a crossroad.

I could either stay where I was, sink into complacency, and, frankly, be disobedient to what He was calling me to do, or I could step out in faith and embrace God's plan.

I quit my job today.
[Start the crazy music]

I haven't made this decision on a whim. I have been earnestly praying and seeking God's direction in every part of my life. He really convicted me that I wasn't doing what He had called me to do. I know he wants me to serve completely.

Want to know what's really crazy? Through my job, my bill for grad school shrank from $4,000 to a little over $900. Not anymore. I've had to really work everyday to trust that God is going to provide a way for me to fulfil what He's called me to do.

Last night, I was facing all the thoughts of doubt all over again. I had to stop and pray. PRAY HARD that God would remove the doubt and give me the direction I needed.

I woke up early this morning and put on a new dress. I decided that if I was going to face my boss, I would at least look nice!

I drove up to the school and went right into her office. I sat there, completely unsure of what exactly I should say. It's hard to describe this whole journey to someone.

I started at the beginning (usually a good place to start).

A funny thing happened.

She completely understood. She was excited for me. She related completely to what I was saying because my journey was so similar to her own.

Start the tears!

We both couldn't help but get a little overwhelmed at God's amazing love. They were happy tears. They were tears that came from the realization that God's completely crazy for loving me. Messed up, confused, doubting ME!

A lot of people don't understand my decisions over the past few weeks. I can't really explain it to them. All I can say is that I'm committed to following God's direction 100 percent. I won't try to fight His plan anymore. I've proven that I do a terrible job of controlling life on my own.

"You're crazy," they say.

Yes I am.

Truth is, most (if not all) of the people who followed Jesus were crazy! It took Noah over 100 years to build the ark! What do you want to bet that plenty of people thought he was crazy! Moses wandered the desert for 40 years! We know his people thought he was crazy.

I couldn't help but think of the disciples this week.

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.
-Matthew 4:18-20

At once they left their nets and followed him.

I wonder what people thought of these men? They just leave everything right there and go off with Jesus. Sounds pretty crazy to me.

In the end, I know that God will be with me through this entire journey. He's been with me up until now and I know He's not going anywhere.

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