For All the Single Ladies

Originally published November 2011


There's nothing sadder to me than a woman who doesn't embrace her singleness.

Society tells us singleness is a mark of shame. There's something wrong with us if we aren't currently dating someone. For a woman, purity equals prude, and being a prude causes you to become a crazy cat lady. The world wants us to label every relationship. In a relationship? It's complicated? There's probably an app for that. I want to challenge this perception right now.

Let me tell you what being a single girl does not mean. Being a single girl doesn't mean that God hasn't given me a real desire for marriage. It also doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with frustrations when it comes to guys. As people in my life can attest, I vent just as much as the next girl about how confusing relationships are. Being a single girl doesn't mean that there aren't times when I get annoyed with God for the feelings I have and can't seem to get rid of. It doesn't mean that when I care about someone, I don't feel agonized over what might have been. Being a single girl doesn't mean not feeling anything.

Let me tell you what being a single girl does mean. Being a single girl is a gift. It is a rare and (according to statistics) often temporary opportunity. God has put in us in a prime spot. At what other time in our lives, are we free to go out and disciple our girlfriends and not feel concerned about neglecting a husband or other marital obligations. Before all the married ladies get annoyed with me, let me clarify that I realize that you married set go out as well, but I'm sure you would be the first to admit that it's different as a single woman! God wants us to embrace this time of singleness for a reason. 

As a surprising as it might sound, I think Paul makes a good point for the single set.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

-1 Corinthians 7:32-35

We have been given an opportunity to be holy in body and spirit and fully devoted to the works of the Lord. Take a moment and think about the people in your life. Are there other single women that would benefit from you wisdom? Are there younger women who would benefit from your example? Chances are, God is waiting for you to embrace this time so he can utilize your many gifts and talents for a kingdom cause.

I know this may not be easy to accept. I know some of you are frustrated with God. He's given you this crazy desire for marriage, you've accepted that call, and now he seems so far away. You feel like you will be alone forever. If you're really honest, you've probably been that girl who wanted to throw something at a sickeningly happy couple and spend too much time listening to Adele. Let me encourage you. I don't believe that God has given you these desires to torture you. I honestly believe that he is preparing you for a something more than you ever dreamed of. Ultimately, a God blessed relationship can add tremendous joy to life. However, the greatest love story on the planet could not even begin to compare to the love of Jesus. Cheesy church answer? No...

As a fellow single girl, let me encourage you to tell God how you feel. He already knows anyways! He longs to fill that hole in your heart. He wants you to have LIFE and experience the abundance and joy that he has planned for you. This means running to him instead of a guy. Ask God to help you recognize how much he loves you. Let's begin to change the perception of singleness. Let's embrace the idea of purity in ALL AREAS of our life.

Psalm 26 is such a beautiful declaration of everything that I want to reflect in my own life of singleness. Let's allow this to be our perception.

Vindicate me, O LORD,
for I have walked in my integrity,
and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering.
 Prove me, O LORD, and try me;
test my heart and my mind.
 For your steadfast love is before my eyes,
and I walk in your faithfulness.

 I do not sit with men of falsehood,
nor do I consort with hypocrites.
 I hate the assembly of evildoers,
and I will not sit with the wicked.

 I wash my hands in innocence
and go around your altar, O LORD,
 proclaiming thanksgiving aloud,
and telling all your wondrous deeds.

 O LORD, I love the habitation of your house
and the place where your glory dwells.
 Do not sweep my soul away with sinners,
nor my life with bloodthirsty men,
 in whose hands are evil devices,
and whose right hands are full of bribes.

 But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity;
redeem me, and be gracious to me.
 My foot stands on level ground;
in the great assembly I will bless the LORD.